It has been a rough week around here.
Or maybe it is two weeks now.
I've lost track of time in that regard.
To sum it all up, a few days after finding out that we'd lost our baby, I found out about Ally's news, and then, the very next morning, heard that my Grandmother had died.
By the time I heard about my Grandma, I think I was in a bit of emotional shock. My tears ducts had been far too abused during the week and dried up, unable to shed a single drop.
I'm making up for that now.
Leif and I went on a whirlwind trip with 2p, Sean, and Cathleen down South for my Grandmother's memorial. The whole event was somewhat surreal: being in her apartment without her there, having a party in her honor without her...it all was just wrong. She's always been there with her smile, and it all just felt empty without her.
But then, even as I'm thinking of her and crying, I start to smile and then laugh. And then I'm crying and laughing all at the same time, a fairly rare event in life.
I see the little things of hers that I brought back with me, and I cry. But then I think of those funny little things from way back when, like going to the Bronx Zoo with her and my sisters as a wee child, eating homemade PB&Js and water, while all the other kids at the zoo had hotdogs, soda, and other treats. Or how she would never let us put sugar on our cereal when we went to stay at her house in New Jersey. It was abominable to me as a child, but I do the same thing now as a mom - Leif never gets sugar on his cereal, and of course we bring our own cheaper healthier food with us on our adventures.
That makes me laugh.
There are so many things that I appreciate now about my Grandma that I perhaps didn't as a child (mainly the frugalness) that it makes this loss harder to take.
Earlier this year, she let me borrow her memoirs that she'd been penning in little blank books, and in reading them, I felt I came to know her as a person, and not just my Grandma. As I was reading, I was constantly laughing and gasping, "I never knew that!" I'm so glad I was able to talk to her about it and learn more.
The little visits we made on Sunday afternoons while we lived down there were abruptly cut short when we moved suddenly back up North. We never saw her again, but I am so grateful for those moments where Leif was able to get to know his great-grandmother, and I was able to have some quiet chats with my Grandma.
I'm sorry that any future children in the family will not get to know any of their great-grandparents, but I feel lucky that we had them as long as we did. My Grandma was 97 when she died, my Papa 100, and my Nana, I believe, was 85. My Grandfather, who died before I was born, was 75.
That is what normally cuts my tears short - that my pain is my own, but my Grandma lived a long happy life and died peacefully. What else can a person hope for in life?
A few pictures follow from the memorial party held at Scott and Spring's house:
Grandma
Or maybe it is two weeks now.
I've lost track of time in that regard.
To sum it all up, a few days after finding out that we'd lost our baby, I found out about Ally's news, and then, the very next morning, heard that my Grandmother had died.
By the time I heard about my Grandma, I think I was in a bit of emotional shock. My tears ducts had been far too abused during the week and dried up, unable to shed a single drop.
I'm making up for that now.
Leif and I went on a whirlwind trip with 2p, Sean, and Cathleen down South for my Grandmother's memorial. The whole event was somewhat surreal: being in her apartment without her there, having a party in her honor without her...it all was just wrong. She's always been there with her smile, and it all just felt empty without her.
But then, even as I'm thinking of her and crying, I start to smile and then laugh. And then I'm crying and laughing all at the same time, a fairly rare event in life.
I see the little things of hers that I brought back with me, and I cry. But then I think of those funny little things from way back when, like going to the Bronx Zoo with her and my sisters as a wee child, eating homemade PB&Js and water, while all the other kids at the zoo had hotdogs, soda, and other treats. Or how she would never let us put sugar on our cereal when we went to stay at her house in New Jersey. It was abominable to me as a child, but I do the same thing now as a mom - Leif never gets sugar on his cereal, and of course we bring our own cheaper healthier food with us on our adventures.
That makes me laugh.
There are so many things that I appreciate now about my Grandma that I perhaps didn't as a child (mainly the frugalness) that it makes this loss harder to take.
Earlier this year, she let me borrow her memoirs that she'd been penning in little blank books, and in reading them, I felt I came to know her as a person, and not just my Grandma. As I was reading, I was constantly laughing and gasping, "I never knew that!" I'm so glad I was able to talk to her about it and learn more.
The little visits we made on Sunday afternoons while we lived down there were abruptly cut short when we moved suddenly back up North. We never saw her again, but I am so grateful for those moments where Leif was able to get to know his great-grandmother, and I was able to have some quiet chats with my Grandma.
I'm sorry that any future children in the family will not get to know any of their great-grandparents, but I feel lucky that we had them as long as we did. My Grandma was 97 when she died, my Papa 100, and my Nana, I believe, was 85. My Grandfather, who died before I was born, was 75.
That is what normally cuts my tears short - that my pain is my own, but my Grandma lived a long happy life and died peacefully. What else can a person hope for in life?
A few pictures follow from the memorial party held at Scott and Spring's house:
Grandma
DaMomma, Caryn, and Spring
Despite the fact that your post is eerily similar to mine, I like it and I concur about the emotions. It gets pretty tiring being so emotional for such a long time. Don't look at me cross-eyed or... I think I need a shrink. :)
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