Leif Leads an Expedition to Madagascar

Preparing the vessel for the voyage.

Leif has been planning an expedition to Madagascar for quite some time now.

He has planned who will accompany him on this grand journey, mapped out the route on the large world map on his bedroom wall, and planned every detail out to the nth degree.

A few weeks ago, the scouting mission for this grand mission set off, with Leif bundled up in orange sweaters, orange boots, an orange hat, a yellow and orange PFD (life preserver for those of you not "cool" enough to know what a PFD is!) and fireman boots. Yes, fireman boots.

Here is the outfit in its full glory:

He's standing on the bench in the boat that will take them across the Atlantic, down around South Africa, and up to Madagascar.

I'm standing outside of the boat taking the picture, if that is any indication of the boat's size. ;)

Leif prepares the emergency gear for the long trip.

From all reports, the scouting mission went well.

Madagascar was sighted on the journey, although they did not land.

Plans are to make landing on the next mission, possibly as early as next year.

Sam, the valiant weiner dog, was trembling with fear throughout the entire mission, and Leif is feeling very confident in the crew he has chosen.

Updates will follow.

Sadness

It has been a rough week around here.

Or maybe it is two weeks now. 
I've lost track of time in that regard.

To sum it all up, a few days after finding out that we'd lost our baby, I found out about Ally's news, and then, the very next morning, heard that my Grandmother had died.

By the time I heard about my Grandma, I think I was in a bit of emotional shock.  My tears ducts had been far too abused during the week and dried up, unable to shed a single drop.

I'm making up for that now.

Leif and I went on a whirlwind trip with 2p, Sean, and Cathleen down South for my Grandmother's memorial.  The whole event was somewhat surreal: being in her apartment without her there, having a party in her honor without her...it all was just wrong.  She's always been there with her smile, and it all just felt empty without her.

But then, even as I'm thinking of her and crying, I start to smile and then laugh.  And then I'm crying and laughing all at the same time, a fairly rare event in life.

I see the little things of hers that I brought back with me, and I cry.  But then I think of those funny little things from way back when, like going to the Bronx Zoo with her and my sisters as a wee child, eating homemade PB&Js and water, while all the other kids at the zoo had hotdogs, soda, and other treats.  Or how she would never let us put sugar on our cereal when we went to stay at her house in New Jersey.  It was abominable to me as a child, but I do the same thing now as a mom - Leif never gets sugar on his cereal, and of course we bring our own cheaper healthier food with us on our adventures. 

That makes me laugh.

There are so many things that I appreciate now about my Grandma that I perhaps didn't as a child (mainly the frugalness) that it makes this loss harder to take.

Earlier this year, she let me borrow her memoirs that she'd been penning in little blank books, and in reading them, I felt I came to know her as a person, and not just my Grandma.  As I was reading, I was constantly laughing and gasping, "I never knew that!"  I'm so glad I was able to talk to her about it and learn more. 

The little visits we made on Sunday afternoons while we lived down there were abruptly cut short when we moved suddenly back up North.  We never saw her again, but I am so grateful for those moments where Leif was able to get to know his great-grandmother, and I was able to have some quiet chats with my Grandma.

I'm sorry that any future children in the family will not get to know any of their great-grandparents, but I feel lucky that we had them as long as we did.  My Grandma was 97 when she died, my Papa 100, and my Nana, I believe, was 85. My Grandfather, who died before I was born, was 75. 

That is what normally cuts my tears short - that my pain is my own, but my Grandma lived a long happy life and died peacefully.  What else can a person hope for in life?

A few pictures follow from the memorial party held at Scott and Spring's house:


Grandma

DaMomma, Caryn, and Spring

This was at my Mom and Dad's house, where Leify found (and promptly fell in love with) two large old bears of mine, Fluffy and Flower.

DaMomma and Caryn.

Ally and Andrew.

Leif and Willie playing in Avery's room.

Catharsis

The past two days have been the perfect picture of Autumn: crisp cold days, bright leaves swirling from treetops, and a perfect crunchy browness to the tall grasses waving in the wind.  The weather has been the perfect antidote to any blues I must be experiencing, helping me to heal.

Yesterday, Jason took me on an early anniversary jaunt (we celebrate 5 years of marriage in four days!) to our old haunts from our courtin' days, including the church where we where married, and the Inn where we held the wedding reception.  In fact, there was a couple getting married at the church where we'd gotten hitched.  They had a MUCH larger audience at their nuptials (I personally much prefer our much small gathering, but to each their own) and their decorations were nothing compared to ours (if I do say so myself) ;).  The steeple on the church had been painted, and the place looked spiffier than we'd been there last 5 years ago.  I reckon the church realized that they might could make some money from that small little barely used chapel after we insisted on using it!

 Leif, meanwhile, was on a grand trip with his grandparents to Pennsylvania for a nice scenic train ride and visit to the train museum there.  

On the way back, we picked up a half bushel of oysters for the evening at home. 

It was, all in all, a beautiful day.

This morning I woke up, and nearly as soon as my feet hit the floor, started cleaning.  I haven't stopped for much since then.  I packed away my maternity clothes (I hadn't started to wear them and they didn't fit me this time around anyway) and a bunch of Jason's excess winter and summer clothes.  I went through receipts, paperwork, laundry, bathroom drawers; nary an inch in my living space was left untouched.  I even decluttered, organized, and cleaned out all of my email accounts (no small feat there!)  I decluttered like a madwoman (even though I'm essentially living out of a suitcase...so what can there be left to declutter?  Apparently, plenty when you're a decluttering Momma in mourning.)  I hauled Leif's toys in from boxes in the shed, realizing that if I left them out there the whole time, he'd outgrow them before he'd used them much at all (and that would just be storing stuff we don't use, which makes my decluttering heart shudder in disgust).  I hauled out the clothes I had packed.  I hauled in my own cleaning supplies (which, frankly, I'm lost without my own cleaning stuff!) 

I suppose that cleaning the space around me is in sync with the emotional and physical cleansing taking place within me.  Starting over, starting fresh, and all that jazz.  Some people clean when they're angry (sadly, I'm not one of them)...apparently, I clean for a new beginning. 

Even as I was doing all this, I was horrified by the amount of things we had with us (mostly in storage):  toys, groceries, toiletries...just ridiculous amounts of stuff.  And oddly, when it comes to toys, I'm a bit notorious for decluttering most everything, and so Leif doesn't have that much...but still!  Ugh, the amount of STUFF makes the minimalist in me want to gag.  (Also on the odd side:  my minimalist self never turns on the books - we can never have enough books!  If I get rid of any books, I trade them for yet more books!) 

So, I've made lists in my head of the items we can use while we're here, so I know what I do not need to buy more of, and we can move with a far lighter load than with which we came.  You have no idea how much this pleases me.  Little by little, I am whittling away at our worldly possessions and I'm happier than a clam to do it. 

So, that is where I've been: cleaning my world out and paving the way for a lovely future. 

:)

A Sad Story

At this point, I had been hoping to post a lovely announcement three years in the making right here on this blog.

Instead of exciting news, I'm afraid I have rather sad news.

The exciting news was that after three years of trying, I was finally pregnant.

The sad news is that we confirmed today that I've had a miscarriage. 

Although today I would have been starting my 13th week (and in my second trimester), the baby did not make it much beyond 8 weeks.  I'd suspected the loss for a while, especially with two consecutive appointments where no heartbeat was heard, but it comes as a shock, nevertheless.

There are a few good things to come of it, though. 

One, we went with a Midwife this time, and the experience (albeit short) was exactly what I was hoping for. 

They are right in line with my "natural" philosophies of health care, pregnancy, and child birth.  It was a far more personal experience than the OBGYN ever was: today after getting the news after two ultrasounds, the midwife told me to stop by her office (with no appt), and greeted me with a hug and a box of tissues.  We sat and talked.  Even the lady at the front desk, when I told her my name, asked me how I was doing (because of the miscarriage, not just the standard HowdyDo).  I am absolutely loving the experience with the midwife, and will definitely continue on with them for any future pregnancies. 

Two, we found out, after years of doubting, that I could indeed get pregnant, and that was refreshing to know in itself.

Three, we also discovered that there may be some underlying health issues with yours truly that may be preventing pregnancy (and a causing a whole bunch of other things).  Since those issues are treatable, we're glad to have discovered them so that we can pursue treatment and carry on.

And last, but certainly not least, our little tiny pumpkin brought us great joy in a period of great stress, even if it was for a brief moment in time.  And now, we have a little angel waiting for us in Heaven. 

So, if you notice that we're mopey, crying spontaneously (me more than Jason on that one!), or just plain ol' off, you'll know why. :)

Halloween

Leif was a Fire Chief for Halloween. This was right before we went trick-or-treating....he was so excited!

Pardon the horribleness of these photos. These are literally the worst pictures I've taken in years. Apparently, the flash didn't go off, so I was left with near blackness in all of the pictures. Ugh. I knew they were poor photos when I took them, but I didn't realize just how bad until this morning when I uploaded them.


He was so happy to take his "fire dog" (sammy the weiner dog) out trick-or-treating this year. He was very good with saying "Trick-or-Treat!" this year, too, which he didn't do much of in years past. My baby is growing up! (That's a line from...Shrek, I think).

I told him to strike a pose. ;)

His Fire Chief outfit was complete with bullhorn and fire extinguisher. We also had a big fire hose end (the nozzle part with a little bit of hose behind it) but decided not to lug that around, as it was rather heavy.

Overall, it was a really fun night for everyone.

When he was tuckered out (I think Jason counted 22 houses that we went to), he said, "Okay, let's go home!" and that we did.

He didn't even eat any candy yesterday!

I'm not sure what this look is. But it makes me laugh.

This was also the first year that he chose his own outfit. At first he wanted a horse (a brown one, he said!) but then he changed to fireman as the weeks drew closer to Halloween.

Because people told him to take multiple candies at each house (3...4...) we have enough candy to last us until next Halloween!

Bedtime Cuteness

The other night, I read bedtime books to Sophia and Leify in my bed.

I can not tell you the wonderful snuggliness that is reading two cuties in their jammies a book all snuggled up in a warm toasty bed.  Absolutely scrumptious.

They got a little silly after the book, and when I went to take a picture of the cuteness, hid under the bed, moved apart from one another, so this was the best I could get.

:)